dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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