i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
