I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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