enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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