Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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