This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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