Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
