oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
