How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
