I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
