You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize