He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
