I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Duck Duck Cougar?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
