What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize