Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
