I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
