Who did Billy Mays play for?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
