They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
