I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
