I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
