how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
