Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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