The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
