i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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