i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize