All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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