Your face is a jimmy john
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
