So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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