I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
