I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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