and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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