Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think my fart just growled at me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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