and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
