alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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