Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
