I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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