You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
