I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
