would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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