You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
