Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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