This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
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