my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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