Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
