I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
