Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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