Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
