I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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