The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am spending my child support on dildos
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
