youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
How external is "for external use only"?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
