so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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