Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
