you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
