Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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