I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
