Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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