They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
