how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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