I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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