tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
