i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
