Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
